In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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