Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
