Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
