I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just want nice things and good sex
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
