tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just gargled with NyQuil
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
