Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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