just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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