The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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