8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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