Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
