awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have grass duct taped all over my body
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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