if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
