Whatcha textin bout Willis?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
