I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize