Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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