you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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