my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
