can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
operation harelip BJ is a go
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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