well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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