Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
