am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
