I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
