fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
