Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
