at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize