if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
