Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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