I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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