the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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