Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
