Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
