is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize