Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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