forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
