what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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