yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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