I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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