My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
