I bet he comes in French.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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