you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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