quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
