He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
God gave him joint rollers for hands
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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