well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
These tits shall not be calmed
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
