Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize