I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
