I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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