But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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