everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
