Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
