I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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