Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
