Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
