you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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