PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
