Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Randomize
