So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just pynch a tree in the face
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
