I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Randomize
