Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
