Ketchup is God's man juice
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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