someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
