i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
