You smell like a Billy Joel song
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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