She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
