And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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