Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
