I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
