one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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