You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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