even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
