sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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