We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize