Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
