rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
