I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
