did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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