take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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