You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
