that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
