I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
