yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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