So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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