You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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