There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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