apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
