after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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