I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
