i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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