I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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