his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
