I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize