What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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