cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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