New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
