you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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