my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
