the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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