a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
