So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
