You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize