My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
