i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize