Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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