Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
