How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
