I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Dick very happy bro
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
