ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You ruined the universe
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
